4 Steps to Invigorate and Inspire Your Future

You may have heard about Appreciative Inquiry. It offers a  4-step process of what they coined 4-D, which are: Discover, Dream, Design and Destiny.

I thought about the common denominators between this process and others which I often use in my practice, from the GROW coaching model to The Work (Byron Katie), Solution Focus Brief Therapy (SFBT), Neuroscience-based coaching; Nancy Kline's Thinking Partnership methodology and Co-Active Coaching. 

We are trying to achieve – using seemingly different tools and approaches – the same result.

At the risk of comparing apples and oranges (which I don't think I am doing) here is the process I came up with, based on the above mixture of approaches. 

1. What Is? ("Best Experience")

Focus is on identifying "what is" (similar the often-used GROW coaching model, exploring current reality in Co-Active Coaching, as well as to the rigorous look at 'what is' in Byron Katie's The Work).

The guideline is: ask carefully constructed positive-focused questions. The quest is to find out what drives success, what contributes to your own (or employees') satisfaction, and what helps maximise productivity. The purpose of the questions asked during this stage in the process is to discover the elements that are most valued by the person(s) asked (or by yourself). What "makes them tick"?

For example:

•       When did you feel the most engaged and alive recently?

•       Where did you feel the happiest/most successful at your job?

•       What first attracted you to this job/this partner/living here?

•       When has someone recently helped you succeed at a task?

•       What makes your work meaningful?

•       What do you find most exciting about your position?

•       If we asked your friends to share with three of your best qualities, what would they say?

•       Where do you gain your inspiration? 

•      If you were the manager of the organisation, in what area would you focus more of your time?

•       What is most enjoyable for you?

•       What do you feel confident about?

•       Tell me about a time when you felt content?

•       What do you value most about the nature of your work?

•       What do you think draws people to work here?

Wish

After identifying the current situation or "what is," the next step in the Appreciative Inquiry process allows you to focus on "what might be." This is the time to explore without boundaries, 'brainstorm' and let all dreams loose. 

(This echoes with GROW's Options stage, and be very familiar to coaches, no matter of which theoretical persuasion, as it is about visualising another future; defining what we want instead of what we have, or know.)

Here are some positive-focused questions for this phase:

      Imagine and tell me what your perfect change would look like?

      What are your deepest desires for/your life/ your career/ the organisation?

      If you could wave a magic wand and have precisely what you desire, what would that be? 

      If a genie granted you three wishes relating to your job (or organisation/or your relationship), what would you ask for?

      If you could fast-forward three to five years into the future and imagine that your highest hopes and dreams have become a reality, how does the organisation/your life look? How is your work or day different?

      What are some of the ways that you're interacting with others (in the organisation/in your family) that are working for you?

What Now?

Now that you looked at what got you here, or what sustained you this far; what are your (and or your organisation's strengths), and you explored options/ went into what you wish for; you can start sifting through to start planning a different future.

Moving from "what might be" into - "how can it be." AI terms it "provocative propositions." However, this is very similar, and achieves the same results, as the Turn Around questions of "The Work" – what if you tried something different to replace your current thinking? It is also very close to Nancy Kline's Incisive Question, which is a compelling way of looking at removing a current limiting assumption and opening up new possibilities.

Here, it is vital that the questions and statements are linked with the language used (by the client/thinker) when they were describing the desired future.

The idea is that at the end of this stage is that you will have a series of paragraphs that outline how the Dream will be realised. The big question to ask at this state is "how can we start achieving what we wished for?"

What Will Be?

You now have possibilities, options, new assumptions maybe replacing the old. It is time to decide on an Action Plan.

That is the parallel of GROW's Way Forward, or Co-Active Coaching Action Plan. Every successful coaching process needs to get this far to move the client meaningfully to a new chosen path -- towards the client's goal.

It is the phase in which the client can be led to incorporate the possibility statements with his or her job, organisation, family. 

'What will be' offers a new lens through which to start looking at the now. Here, again, what we do as coaches aligns with the knowledge base available – from Adult Learning theories to positive psychology research findings, to Neuroscience.

To start looking through this new lens, we are moving attention from what is, and what isn't working into the realm of possibility; informed by our deep dreams and desires, our revalidated values; by what we now know we need.

As Solution Focus Brief Therapy teaches us, as does our knowledge about how our brains work, if we focus on the negative, our problems get more prominent and more overwhelming. 

However, moving toward a Positive Way Forward - using Appreciative Inquiry, SFBT, The Work, Co-Active Coaching, Thinking Environment methods – any of these – is about a focus on the desired future, the "solution". 

Sit and watch how the new connections you now made in your brain just by allowing you to dream and think of options open up a new pa

4 Things To Do to Ensure You Can Lead Effectively

I am doing a great course through the woderous free university-level Coursera (www.coursera.org) on Inspiring Leadership Through Emotional Intelligence led by the delightful academic Richard Boyatzis. In my readings I find many quotable, memorable lessons.

Here's one from today, out of an article entitled "MINDFULNESS, HOPE AND COMPASSION: A LEADER’S ROAD MAP TO RENEWAL" by Annie McKee, Frances Johnston, and Richard Massimilian.

 "When leaders face power stress over the long term and cannot find ways to manage its downside, they risk becoming trapped in the Sacrifice Syndrome, a vicious circle leading to mental and physical distress, and sometimes even executive burnout...He or she may find that things begin to slip at work and/or at home: small problems may seem more than usually troublesome; relationships may become strained; self-confidence may slip and physical health may suffer as well. Some people may even begin to act out; they may make rash decisions, act impulsively or do things that seem to contradict their values. But that’s not all. Emotions are literally contagious, and when leaders are in the grip of the Sacrifice Syndrome, the dissonance they create will spread to those around them."

It is so very familiar to me from both my own life experience as well as my clients'.
The more senior they are, the worse this syndrome can be, not just because they are experiencing more responsibilities - but also because they affect so many around them, causing a snowballing effect of despondency, no-stop-to-think mode, never pausing to actually renew energies and open up creativity; both requiring using the parasympathetic nervous system rather than the stress-induced task-focus system which is the sympathetic nervous system.

 Learning practices that enable us to renew our energies and open up a space to think and plan, is critical.

The four that will extract you out of this involves, as has been shown by many different researchers, are:

•     Mindfulness - by breathing deeply, bringing yourself to being fully present. (Yoga, meditation, moderate exercise or prayer work well); 

•   Hope - connect with your dreams, talk about future plans; 

•   Compassion - by showing that you care and focus on helping someone else, being in a loving space. Playing with pets included; 

•   Playfulness - by making sure you don't take yourself and life too seriously. Laugh! use humor!

From the International Coach Federation - Why does coaching work?

Why Coaching Works infographic by swrightcreative.

or view here

Dove Real Beauty Sketches

Two very different colleagues of mine sent me this link recently. There is so much wisdom here in terms of how we see ourselves, and it goes so much deeper than how we look. The scary thing is, at times, to see this gap between how someone experiences herself, her very being, and how she is perceived by others.

Being in coaching is like being in that loft with the artist making the sketches.

Dave Ulrich | Defining the Leadership Code

Here's HR and leadership guru David Ulrich explaining a very simple and clever model for leadership (yes, he is promoting a book) but still, the model stands alone and provides value here:

Listen!

I attended a workshop last week with the wonderful (in person as she is in her writing and her work) Nancy Kline. 

I first heard about her when I was doing Coaching Skills 1 course at SACAP, years back. She was talking (on tape) to us newbies about the importance of listening. REALLY listening. While anyone in any helping profession is well aware (or so one hopes) of the importance of listening, what she had to say was different from the start. It grabbed me.

She said, "Everything we do depends for its quality on the thinking we do first" (and then she writes about it a lot more in her excellent book, Time To Think (first published in 1999, by Cassell Illustrated, UK)). BUT, here's why the listening is so crucial - "Our thinking depends on the quality of our attention for each other."

And when she explained the first of ten components of what has become known as The Thinking Environment, it was obvious that something fresh and new - as well as obvious and old and known - both in almost equal measures - has emerged (for me, at least!)

When we listen well, with full intention and interest, we ignite the thinking of the thinker. But how often do we do that? Without interruption? Without rushing to complete the other's phrase?

At the workshop, Nancy spoke about a new concept - of "The Two Worlds of Thinking" she has been thinking about, which resonated with many of us.   The "World of Exchange" is "heavily polluted, popular, rewarded and standard". It is the way most of our communication and thinking work - I say something, you react by saying something else, I may disagree, contradict, interrupt, ignore - exchange happens at a high pace. It is the world of input, information, feelings and ideas are exchanged. 

The World of "Fully Independent Thinking is currently tiny, sparsely populated, punished and unusual in the world. It is the world of new and fresh thinking, unknown and unknowable". It is what happens when a Thinking Partnership (Kline-developed) process takes place.

Both worlds are essential and needed. But the world of Fully Independent Thinking needs to grow if we want more creativity, more equality, more diversity, and more openness. 

Linking this to coaching, Nancy writes in her notes to us – “coaching takes place primarily in the world of exchange thinking and moves along that spectrum of independence". But ideally, she suggests, every session should strive to start in the Fully Independent Thinking mode and only move into exchange if necessary.

What might help us achieve this, is what Kline termed "The tiny Huge Question" which is:

When you (as coach, but can be adopted by managers who strive to be coach-managers; parents and teachers focused on developing others) are on the verge of asking the next question, when someone in front of you is thinking/talking - hold back and ask yourself this - "How do I know for sure that what I'm about to say will add more value than what my client is about to say? Or think?"

And I thought, ‘wow, that captures her message so well’. In a nutshell - each person can do their own thinking much better when they are really listened to. Free, deep, totally independent thinking.

It is precious, and it is rare.

It was and is a good reminder of how simple and how hard it is to just...well, listen.

Relocation - Some lessons I have learned

I have been really quiet for a few months. I had a good reason: in September we left Buenos Aires after 3 years of a diplomatic posting there and moved back to Cape Town. 
In between, we renovated our Newlands home, packed and unpacked, swapped the singsong Argentine Spanish for the welcome comfort of English again, had many emotional and tearful farewells and heartwarming welcome parties, imported an Argentine spotty dachshund, the blue-eyed Julio and brought back our tan beloved old sausage, Gina (both very excited to have a garden at their disposal again) and, most importantly, reunited with our children.
In short: an upheaval.


Before leaving Argentina I completed my baby-project - which I initiated and orchestrated for the University Women Club, and with great help and camaraderie from my lovely women-friends there - updating, rewriting parts and editing a relocation guide to Buenos Aires entitled, surprisingly, Hola Buenos Aires! - in a eBook format (available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other e-reader sites). In many ways, engaging with this project saved me from many of the symptoms I had experienced known as Relocation Stress Syndrome (RSS) or - culture shock, a more common term.


Relocation Stress Syndrome (RSS) is defined as the physiological and psychosocial disturbances that result from transfer from one environment to another. In fact, the strain of relocation is so severe that experts evaluate it as being similar to the stress associated with divorce or a death in the family. Symptoms of RSS can last for several months, but may continue for a year or longer, especially if losses are considerable, i.e., loss of family, friends, lifestyle and habitual routines, cultural values and pursuits, and - a major one, I have learned - language facility.

We had moved from a house to an apartment (luxurious and very well situated, but impersonal), we left behind two children and I had to put another continent and many more hours of flights between myself and my family in Israel. My command of Spanish included a few basic words. And I had to leave my beloved work behind, too.

My time away, and coping with these stresses taught me some very important lessons which I try to bring into my understanding of others. 

What I had noticed that used to affect me the worst was my inner negative talk, which was like a constant chatter in my head whispering, "I don't want to be here". "This is not home". "This is too different". "I miss home". "I want to be there, not here". 

It was draining. I kept trying everything I knew to drown the voice, explain why it was necessary to be there; talk logic and sense to it. Nothing really helped.

Eventually, I had to do something else. I re-read the chapter on Culture Shock in the relocation guide as I was editing it, and it offered some solutions, which were, simply:

1.     Make an effort to meet people: ("Try to participate in activities in the many institutions around you: school, job, international societies, universities and schools which provide language, art and history courses, sports clubs and volunteer agencies.) It may feel forced to some - it sure did to me - but over time it will prove the best remedy against the inevitable bouts of homesickness, alienation and dislocation. 2.     Make sure you are investing a lot of effort in keeping your intimate relationships as close as possible.
 When it is not just you going through the same experience, it is easier to share the burden. Sometimes, you are alone – in which cases it is critical to keep in touch with loved ones back home on a regular basis.   3.     Make an emergency plan upfront – have the numbers of hospital, police, fire department, doctors, taxi, etc, and keep it in a place you can easily reach at home and when out. It will free up some of the anxiety related to the new unfamiliar place.
 4.     It is amazing how quickly we can lose a sense of worthiness and competence. We all “need continued affirmation that what we think and do is important and worthwhile. Try to find a club or group where your talents and abilities can be used and strengthened.

“A sense of meaning and direction in life, in spite of the transience of the present situation, is necessary to our feelings of self-worth. We need to maintain a sense of continuity. Try to set immediate and long-term goals and plan what you hope to accomplish during the foreign stay.”

I followed these principles – joined a club, took up some challenges (completed my PCC with the ICF; engaged in the relocation guide, etc.), forced myself to go out and hunt for local friends, ensured I was engaging with my family, children and friends through electronic means (thanks heavens for Facebook, Skype, BBM and other such helpful methods to connect). I started painting in a studio with a teacher. 

When I did – I could pull myself out of the miserable loop of fighting with the reality I found myself in.

But you don’t need to be moving countries to experience this sense of “but this isn’t what I wanted!”

This type of thought is stressful, and so prevalent that we often don’t even notice it is there. Yet, it drains energy and affects our mood and – when bad - our performance.

The same principles apply:

·      Have a support group around you. Invest in both family and friends.

·      Make sure you do something that makes you feel worthy and competent. Doesn’t matter what.

·      Ensure you are covered for emergency and that your admin is under control (simple things like diary, to do list and phone lists).

·      Keep as healthy and fit as you can. You don’t need to go to gym trice a week if you hate it. Find something else. But make sure you do something for your body.